I cried over carry out today.
No. It wasn’t because my order was wrong or the food was
horrible.
It was because I had to sit in my car for the umpteenth time
and wait for a person in a mask and gloves to bring it out to me.
I cried because I had to ask him if they were doing okay,
and he knew what I meant.
I cried because I left him a tip, and wished instantly that
it would have been more.
I cried because I am genuinely worried that some of these
local places that I love so much are not going to make it, and it’s not because
of any fault of their own.
I cried because I’m tired.
I’m tired of being scared, and causing people to be scared.
I’m tired of wondering where people have been or if they are
correctly following social distancing guidelines.
And I’m tired of people secretly wondering that about me.
I’m tired of the suspicion.
I’m tired of the hateful looks in the store anytime someone
clears their throat or purchases something that someone else has deemed “non
essential”.
I’m tired of how angry everyone seems right now.
I’m tired of grieving the loss of important life events, and
watching people I love do the same.
I’m tired of people being made to feel bad or guilty because
they are grieving those things.
I’m tired of hurting for people who are out of work and who
have to rely on food pantries and government assistance-not because they are
“lazy”-but because the government deemed their livelihood “non
essential”.
I’m tired of worrying what “normal” is going to look like on
the other side of this.
I’m tired of wondering if we will ever truly recover, and
how deeply this is going to change us.
I’m just tired.
And as I took my food in it’s tightly tied up bag and
watched the server walk away, I vowed to just keep trying to be better.
To always make eye contact with the person who is handing me
my food and ask them how their day is going.
To always tip generously (which means more than 10% for
those of you who still don’t realize that this is 2020).
To give grace in the grocery store, and on social media-even
when it’s hard to do so.
To share more positive things.
To call my mom more.
To play the board game with my daughter when she asks.
To be a little kinder.
To practice patience.
To stop judging people on social media about where they are
and what they are doing.
To allow people to grieve the “small things”-no matter what
that looks like.
Newsflash: we don’t get to decide how other people feel. No
matter how much we think we do.
I also vowed to do my part to keep people safe-to the best
of my ability.
To attend my local graduation when this is all over-not
because anyone in my family is graduating-but because these kids deserve our
support.
They deserve to be seen.
They deserve to have people cheering loudly for them as they
head into adulthood, because the things they have overcome this year need more
support from us than just sharing our senior photos from 15 years ago.
I vowed to continue to support local business now and after
this is all over.
You know, I honestly don’t know what the world is going to
look like on the other side of all of this.
But, I do know this:
That God is the same yesterday and today, and He will be the
same tomorrow.
COVID-19 isn’t going to change that.
And that I can either choose to allow God to use all of this
to make me better or I can allow it to make me bitter.
I’m choosing better.
Just better.
There is light at the end of this tunnel.
I believe it to be so.
But, until we get there, let’s continue to choose to be the
best version of ourselves.
To let this break our hearts, but not our spirits.
To continue to choose hope-even when it’s hard to see in the
dark.
To be sensitive and sincere.
And to choose to show love.
Not just to our people.
But to the people we don’t even know whether in person or on
the other side of a screen.
So, let’s all choose better, okay?
I promise.
We will all be so glad that we did.
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