Tuesday, December 31, 2019

The End of A Decade


New Years Eve has always been my favorite.

After the stress and rush of Christmas, there is just something refreshing and rejuvenating about a year coming to a close, and knowing that there are 365 or 366 fresh, blank pages waiting for you. 

I think no one would argue with me that A LOT can happen in a year. 

But what about a decade? 

This past week, I have been reflecting not just on 2019, but the last 10 years. 

If years are chapters, then decades must be parts. 

Huge chunks of a story that make up our individual histories. 

And for me, I do not think any other decade has had a greater impact on my history than the 2010s. 

The 2010s saw me grappling with first time motherhood and postpartum depression, and finally coming into my own as a second and last time mom. 

The 2010s saw me walk through a divorce and emerge on the other side of it as friends and allies with my ex in one common cause: our daughter. I will forever be truly grateful for our maturity and our ability to do this. Day in and day out. 

The 2010s saw me endure the most painful, life altering heartbreak of my entire existence. A heartbreak that-if I’m being honest-I’m still processing and working through years later. A heartbreak that completely changed me and showed me what I am truly capable of withstanding. A heartbreak that I can truly say I am thankful, because in the wake of it’s devastation a stronger, a little more skeptical, and a whole lot wiser me emerged from the ashes. It’s true what they say: what doesn’t kill you definitely makes you stronger. 

The 2010s saw me fall in love again with the BEST man that I know. I will never, ever understand why God chose to bless me with someone that I will never truly deserve. A man that is steady and strong. A man that is not intimidated by my big personality and who has never tried to squelch my fire. His love is something I can fully lean into and know 100% that it will always be there. He has more integrity and loyalty in his little finger than most. He is the daddy to our girls that I always dreamed of having, and he is the type of friend I wish I could be. To trade devastating heartbreak for a love that is stronger and more true than anything I have ever known, is the stuff fairytales are made of and proof that God can make beauty from even the most catastrophic ashes. 

The 2010s saw me say yes to a career that I love. A career that no matter how hard it is some days, no matter how tired it makes me, no matter how it often brings me face to face with the ugliness and selfishness of some humans, I still love it. I’d still say yes to it all over again. This career has taught me so much about people and so much about myself, and I wouldn’t trade any of that for another corporate desk job ever again, 

The 2010s taught me a lot about grief, about getting up and showing up, about friendships, and letting the past be the past. It taught me a lot about picking battles and speaking up. It showed me the things I am most passionate about in this life. It saw me kiss my 20’s goodbye and say hello to my 30’s, and to a girl who is far more comfortable in her skin than she was 10 years ago. 

Yep. The 2010s made me. 

I am who I am because I walked through the last 10 years. 

And instead of being excited about only getting 366 brand new days (2020 is a leap year! 🙌🏻). 

I’ll be over here celebrating the next 10 years. The next 3,653 days. 

3,653 brand new starts. 

In the next decade I hope to be able to fully embrace my word for 2020: Forgiveness. I hope to become better at giving grace and accepting grace. I hope to make peace with some things that are long overdue and become better at saying no to things that are toxic to me and to my family. 

In the next decade, I hope to focus more on the things that really matter: my faith, my family, and cultivating lifelong friendships. I hope to say yes to self care more, and to be better at accepting each and every season of my life. 

In the next decade, I hope to finally write and publish that book I’m supposed to be writing and to be able to fully embrace His call on my life. 

The 2010s are the pages where my story comes from, but the 2020s is where I will finally find the words to tell it over and over again. 

What about you? How did the last decade shape your story and where do you think the next one will take you? 

Wherever it is, I hope you are taking a stronger and wiser version of yourself on the journey.

And tonight when the clock strikes midnight, I hope that despite the growing pains of the 2010s that you are able to nod your head and smile fondly. I hope you shed a tear for where you’ve been and where you’re going. And I hope that when you raise your glass of champagne that you don’t just look ahead to the next 366 days. 

A lot can happen in 10 years.

And I hope the next 10 are your best ones yet. 🥂

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