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Thursday, January 21, 2016

The Co-parenting Diaries: The Hard Days


My daughter is 1,172 miles away at the most magical place on earth with her dad and stepmom. 

She has been gone 8 days, 1 hour, and 9 minutes.

And this momma still has to wait 4 more days before I get to see her. 

Vacations are rough for me. 

Like really rough. 

They aren't rough, because I worry. 

I know our daughter is in the best of hands. 

They aren't rough, because I'm lonely without her. 

Even though I really am. 

They are rough, because I wander around my little apartment and wonder what she's doing, what she's seeing, and what she had for lunch. 

They are rough, because I look at the pictures her stepmom is so wonderful to send to me, and my heart just aches because I'm not the one taking the pictures. 

They are rough, because this-like SO many things-is the price we pay for this journey. 

The journey of co-parenting. 

Don't get me wrong, I know how blessed we are.

For those of you who read my blogs on a regular basis you know that I say it all. of. the. time. 

I know that we are blessed with relationships that aren't perfect, but that are committed to making co-parenting work. 

I know that we are blessed to to be able to communicate, and share, and walk this path together, because we all know how important it is for her. 

I know that we are blessed that so much beauty has been able to grow from all the devastation and ash. 

But, I also know that I am human.

And as a real, living and breathing single mom, I know it is my job to always be real with you.

To show you the places where my journey is anything, but ideal and perfect. 

To verbalize that sometimes the choices I've made are hard and they hurt.

Like when she's on vacation and I'm here missing out. 

Because it's important that us, single mommas, stick together.

To let each other know that we are not alone as we walk through our fire.

Because as easy and wonderful as I try to make co-parenting, the truth of the matter is this: sometimes it just plain sucks.

#truth

And you know what? That's okay too.

Yes, the pictures ARE wonderful and such a kind jester from her stepmother.

I am blessed. 

And yes, we HAVE got to FaceTime just about every morning since she's been gone.

We are blessed. 

And yes, the joy on her face is so evident and I love, love, LOVE that she is getting to experience all of this.

She is blessed.

But, at the end of the day, it's just not the same.

Because I'm here and she's there.

And today, that hurts.

And today, that's okay.

1 comment:

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