Saturday, October 17, 2015

The Co-parenting Diaries: Dear Mamas

It's Saturday. The last day of the week.

The day we are supposed to breathe in and let out with a deep sigh of relief.

We survived. 

My Saturdays have been so full lately and the last six months have felt like a giant blur of the people I've seen and places I just had to be.

And if we are being honest, I have been starring at this empty Saturday on my calendar for a few months now.

I wanted to sleep in a little and make pancakes for my girl who unfortunately had to go to her dad's today.

I wanted to make it up to her.

The weeks upon weeks I've spent going and doing and being for others.

I wanted our few hours together this morning to be good hours together.

I wanted to remind her that she is-and always will be-my number one priority.

That even in the midst of the chaos that has been our life lately, she is still all that matters to this mama who has seemed far too busy these days.

But, that's not how this morning went at all.

Because, here's the truth, sweet mamas...

Sometimes the six year old decides to give you glimpses of her sixteen year old self way before you've even had your first cup of coffee.

Sometimes you lose your temper and say things you shouldn't.

Sometimes your threats feel empty and you struggle with how to follow through.

Sometimes there are still tears about leaving-about the transition from your house to his.

Sometimes there is begging and pleading to please, please, please stay with you, even though you've been doing this routine for almost four years.

Sometimes you have to stand your ground, even when it freaking sucks.

Sometimes you send them on their way knowing that the last conversation you had with them wasn't not a happy one.

Sometimes you cry, because all of this hurts-it still hurts.

Sometimes you find yourself still wondering if it ever gets any easier.

Sometimes beautifully empty Saturdays can leave you feeling incredibly alone and wishing for a do over.

Sometimes, sweet mamas, sometimes.

But, here's the other truth...

There is enough grace to cover bad Saturday mornings.

Grace that is as sweet as the cup of coffee you will finally get to have once your mouthy opinionated six year old makes her way out the door to her father. (Trust me, I have NO idea where she gets it.)

Grace that is big enough to fill the void of a quiet little apartment after all the noise of the hustle and bustle has left for the week.

Grace that takes your tear stained face and reminds you that you are enough and you will always be enough.

Grace that says there is no way that your child does not know how loved she truly is despite a life that did not go as planned.

Grace that will carry you straight through to next Wednesday when she finally comes back home.

Grace that gives us our second and third and fourth and seventy eighth chance to be better-not perfect-but better.

Just better.

So, this is for the hard days, single mamas.

The days when you feel alone and you would kill for a second pair of hands to hold you, to back you up, and to remind you that you are not completely ruining your child.

I am here to tell you, that you're not.

I promise. 

You want to know how I know?

Because His grace tells me so every single day.

So, chin up, sweet mamas.

Embrace your quiet Saturday.

And trust me, you are doing a great job-a really great job at the hardest, but most rewarding thing you will ever do.

Sure! It's a bad morning!

But a few bad mornings are so minor in the grand scheme of things.

I promise.

So, drink your coffee! And have that second cup!

Take a 30 minute shower, because you can!

Enjoy your day because it's still brand new!

And remember that His grace-His wonderful, merciful, amazing grace abounds even in the deepest of single parenting waters.

He's got this.

You've got this.

I promise. 

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