Tuesday night was a great night for me. I had just finished my very first studio recording session, and I was on Cloud 9! All I wanted was to go to my favorite local watering hole and enjoy a drink with my best friend and my sister to celebrate. That's it. Just one drink to end what had already been an amazing day.
I saw you sitting there when I walked in the door. You were nursing your ego at the bar. I made brief eye contact with you. You looked like you had been there for a while, and from the glaze in your eyes I knew your sorrows wouldn't be coming up for air any time soon.
I wasn't even sure you recognized me. And even if you did it wouldn't of mattered, because I walked right past you to the table where my sister and her friends were sitting. I ordered my drink, slipped a few dollars into the jukebox to celebrate, and proceeded to mind my own business. I danced with my sister, laughed with my best friend, and ended my night on an amazing note.
It was a good night.
It was a great night.
So, why on earth did you feel the need to call him?
Why would you attempt to derail 3 months of slow, painful baby steps in the right direction? Why would you tell him that you overheard me bad mouthing him? Why?
What did I ever do to you to deserve that?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
And today as I cried and fought desperately to mend what you intended to break, the truth hit me: it absolutely killed you to see me smiling and laughing with my friends, didn't it? This fragile life that almost eight months ago was barely breathing, but now seems to be thriving. This girl that should have tears in her eyes and be drowning her sorrows just like you, isn't doing that at all. She's living.
And you hated it.
If your goal today was to hurt some girl you barely even know just to make yourself feel better, you succeeded.
But, please know, all you've done is loosen stitches that can be repaired and awaken sleeping demons that can AND will be put back to bed. There is nothing irreparably broken here.
I hate to disappoint you.
But, if I've learned anything in the last eight months, it's that if you allow people's jealousy, bitterness, and hate control you, you will never get out of bed in the morning. And if you do manage to brave the day, you will end up right where I found you Tuesday evening-drowning out everyone's opinions one glass at a time, and that is a terrible place to be.
So, after a good cry and a drive to clear my head, I am happy to report that you didn't win today, dear hater. Nope. Not even close.
Because this girl is turning out to be a lot stronger than anyone ever thought she was going to be, and for the first time in forever that smile you saw Tuesday night is actually genuine. The girl behind that smile? That's me. The real me. And she is beautiful and smart and oh, so brave! And unfortunately for you, it's going to take a lot more than your petty gossip to put out her light. Yes sir, you are looking at a real life survivor of rock bottom, and no matter how hard you try, I won't be going back there again.
So, as I finish typing these words and prepare to go to sleep tonight, I want you to know that I prayed for you tonight, dear hater. I prayed for the tremendous pain you must be feeling in your life to want to cause hurt in mine. I know exactly what that kind of pain feels like, and I am truly sorry for you. I genuinely hope that you find peace and that you to can find your smile-the genuine one. The one that reaches your eyes. Just like me.
I can promise you that it won't be easy. Not one little bit. But, when you finally do let go of all that hurt and start focusing on your blessings instead of your curse, you will be amazed at how joyful your life can and will be. And maybe, just maybe, dear hater, you to will choose to leave hope and peace in your wake instead of the destruction you tried to cause today.
I promise. You will get a lot farther with love than you ever will with hate.