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Sunday, January 26, 2014

The Beginning


In September, my life was at a very fragile place. My divorce was almost final, I was recovering from the loss of a great love, I was starting my first semester back to school in almost two years, and I was tired from mending fences and rebuilding the bridges I had burned during my "lost years". I was struggling.

So one night over one too many glasses of wine, my best friend and I decided we'd had it. We decided to jump. We decided that if salt water is the cure for everything then that is where we must go, and in a blur of travel websites and phone calls, I had spent almost every penny of my summer savings on a trip. A trip to the ocean. A trip that would take me out of this town and away from all of this...hurt. Even if for only a few days.

But as the months have passed, I have began to look at this trip as more of a graduation present to myself for surviving 2013. I have began to see it as less of an escape, and more of a beginning. The beginning of what my new life is going to look like.

My new life where I can say yes to more of things that make me happy, where dreams seem a little more within my reach, and where hope is new every single morning. My new life where my daughter comes first, but where my role as a mother and provider aren't the only things that define me. My new life where I'm learning to be okay on my own. My new life where rough years are celebrated, because those moments are the moments that have molded me into the girl I am today, and the woman I am becoming. My new life where my family comes first, where my friends and I think that an excellent bottle of wine or a spur of the moment trip is the cure for everything, and where I'm finding my way back to happy. Real, true happiness.

Yes. This trip is a beginning.

The beginning of moving forward.

The beginning of picking up all the pieces.

The beginning of finally moving on.

I am bound and determined to come back from this trip with a new mindset, a little less broken, and with the will I need to cry less and live more. I plan to let the ocean heal me in a way only it can, so that I can embrace the beginning of this new life and all it's hope and wonder.

This trip has been a long time coming and in my opinion, I have earned every single minute of the next 5 days. The plan is to immerse and lose myself completely in reading, writing, and indulging in the laughter and silliness that comes from spending time with three of the most amazing women God could of ever placed in my life. This trip is a celebration. A victory celebration.

A celebration that THIS girl...against all odds...survived what was meant to kill her. And you know what? she isn't just surviving, she is thriving. And when she gets back she has a plan to use her story to change the world.

Get ready.

3 comments:

  1. This trip is really the best way to celebrate your success in moving on from all the hardship you faced last year. It’s difficult to deal with all of it, particularly the divorce. But I’m glad you moved on, and now you’re ready to face the world with a smile on your face and in your heart. How was your trip?

    Mona

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  2. I can feel your loneliness with the way you tell the story of your divorce. It's really heartbreaking, but I’m glad that you remained strong while you were on your "trip." There are lots of reasons to be strong and positive. Just focus on the people who love you and deserve your love. Your divorce is just a challenge for you to become a stronger person. Thanks for sharing your story, Ashley! I wish you all the best!

    Audrey Butler @ A Good blatt

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