Wednesday, March 27, 2013

A Fresh Start

Well, I do believe I am officially back from my hiatus. The last few months have been a time of deep soul searching and healing for me, and for the first time in a long time, I actually feel okay. I am starting to feel more hopeful and optimistic about the future, and I have a deep desire to "get back to normal". Routine, working, my daughter's smile, and my husband's keen ability to put up with BS and massive mood swings have truly helped me on my journey back to this place of "normalcy". I'd be lying if I said it was easy, because everyone knows the journey of grief is anything BUT easy. However, once I got past the first month the journey has been bearable. I still falter from time to time, but I'm definitely back among the living...where I'm supposed to be.

As of Monday, I went back to work full-time...well, at least for the next 6 weeks while my co-worker is on maternity leave. I haven't worked "full time" since I found out I was pregnant with my daughter...over four years ago! Wow. Talk about an adjustment! We have been pre-gaming since January to prepare Emma for the change. Before Monday, I was working 3 or 4 days a week, while Emma was shuffled between school and a host of sitters. Now, that I'm on "full time", we are going to try to do school full-time for 6 weeks. I'm not sure if she's quite ready. Today she actually asked me if she could just stay home...with Diesel...our puppy...all by herself. Yep. Maybe she wasn't ready, but here we go! Ready or not!

To be honest, my husband has really stepped up to the plate. He picks her up from the school/random babysitter most days and keeps her entertained until I come crawling in the door around 5:30 or 6:00. He has patiently embraced the change in my shopping/errands/laundry routine, and I've even been lucky enough to come home to dinner on the table more than once...a week! <insert standing ovation and raucous applause here> It's amazing! For the first time in four years, I truly feel like we are actually co-parenting and while the change is hard, I think it has been good for both of us (at least, I hope he feels that way).

As a result of my new "full time" status, I once again find myself having a whole new respect for working, single moms (Hi, Randi!). I honestly don't know how you girls do it! I seriously feel like a wimp most days. My sister, Randi, is over there doing it all by herself like she's got 15 arms, and I'm over here like, "What? You mean it's my turn to make dinner?!" Yeah. It's pathetic. So, kudos to my sister and all the other amazing single moms out there like her. You girls all deserve mother of the year, every year. I'm totally cool with just feeling accomplished because I got my ONE child out of bed and dress this morning. Because you know, it's the little things...I mean, I could of sent her to school in her pajamas ;)

Besides working, I recently started my third season of Lake Idol, a local karoake competiton. Like, I need one more thing to keep me busy! Geez! I actually considered dropping out earlier this week, but I truly love being on that stage and singing my little heart out. It's a release for me and helps to keep me sane. So, I think I'll try to stick with it for a few more weeks. Plus, its a good excuse to get the girls together once a week ;) I'm gearing up for Oldies week this week, so I'll be sure to keep you posted. Who knows, maybe I'll actually get a video this week to share with you.

Well, that's what's new in our corner of the world. I am excited to read and catch up on some of favorite blogs and hopefully share some updated pictures of Emma with you. Thank you so much for still being here when I finally decided I was ready to come back and for your patience. God knows I need blogging more than it needs me.

Happy Wednesday, everyone!


  1. I was seriously just thinking about you the other day and wondering when you'd be back! Happy to see that you are back now and things are good.


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